Collateral Beauty


That single moment when our eyes locked. I knew it was different….

Two different worlds, but the exact same feeling.

Remember that moment; when you looked back and she was staring straight back at you. Remember how things felt in slow motion; and it took you all the courage and strength you had in you to speak to her. Those feelings, where something outside of you controlled that morning, you just knew you had to and you couldn't leave until you did. 

Did it ever cross your mind that you had found her; that someone had perfectly delivered her to you? The girl you could have made your wife, the one who would have adored you, given you beautiful children, the one who have given you the entire world and universe. 

Suddenly your mind was completely and utterly consumed by the thought of her. As much as you tried you couldn't stop. How could someone like her, so different, from a different world be falling in love with you, how was that possible…. the thing is darling, it was, she was falling in love with you, day in and day out. 

You will feel her forever, every night when the lights go out -  you'll find her deep in your soul, you will spend countless hours tossing and turning craving her. Craving her body, her lips, her eyes, her everything… Knowing that you could have had every inch of her, forever, but you were too afraid.

You know you felt it the first time you touched her, the first time you kissed her, it was like nothing you had felt before - you felt it the first time you made love to her.

You felt her in all the silence when she was gone…. when she disappeared you felt it, it sends chills down your spine, thinking that you will never see her again.  

You are so madly, insanely and foolishly in love. There is no denying that. And you question your motives over and over. Where was that same courage you had that day you first saw her and you knew you had to talk to her; where had he gone. 

Those butterflies you got when you first saw her, when she replied to your texts, the butterflies you got when you saw her in the rest of your life. The butterflies you got when you knew she was the one. 

You dream of her - You watch her walk towards you; you miss her like crazy, you just want to hold her in your arms, and say “Ive missed you so much” But youre afraid…. those hugs and the way she held you, you had never been held that way before. 

It scared you to feel so much love, to feel more than you thought you deserved and were worthy of. You could barely comprehend.

As time goes on the butterflies will start to calm down they will almost feel like they have gone until that moment comes when you see her again, the familiar strong feeling of passion for one another will make its appearance as easy as it did the first time. 

It will hit you like a tonne of bricks all at once. You will glance over to her and a wave of every emotion will crash over you again. 

How could you ever find someone like her again - you dont, when something like this; so deep and connected is the one thing every one wants but the one thing most people search for their entire life.

I know you will search for me in everyone else, and I will never be found. But If you choose to do so, I truly wish you all the happiness in the world, but I know that no one will ever taste as sweet as I did .. .and even though deep within my heart I know that you were the one for me I choose to walk away. 

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© 2019 Copyright | Food.Fitness.Wellness | rebecca neale
 
{My personal opinions and journey should not be mistaken for professional medical or healthcare advice}