Real Talk : Missing You

I miss you when Im climbing into bed at night on my own, wishing your arms were here to keep me warm and the comforting sound of your voice. I miss you when its 3am and Im tossing and turning cause I cant escape your face in my mind. I miss you when I wake up and you’re gone. 

I miss you every breath I take, I try to exhale you from my mind until I fall asleep but then you show up in my dreams. 

In my dreams you are next to me, by my side, we are happy and laughing and living. 

I no longer feel sad until the moment you kiss me and then I wake up. 

I wake up shattered, I try to fall back asleep to force back the dream. But it never comes back, It feels like Ive been hit in the chest so hard that I can no longer breathe.

Again, I do it all over again. The day begins, I get up, let go of the idea of the dream and you being here. I push through the painful thoughts of you as I put on my make up to try and hide the sadness in my face. 

I try my hardest to be that strong girl that everyone knows and loves - but Im still trying to learn how to choke back the tears that I want to cry when my mind slips up. I cant help but wonder if you think of me too.

I try to sort through my thoughts, ignoring the hurt but end up thinking back to the lies i believed that came from your mouth.

I miss you when Im working at my desk, I miss you when Im driving by your house, I miss you when I cant sleep. I miss you when I remember the moment we first saw each other and how we met, it was almost like we were made for each other. 

It really doesn't seem fair and it doesn't feel like the pain will ever disappear but Im trying to be a little stronger every day. I try my best to accept the thoughts that you are not coming back. Im trying to forget you but its like you have a hold on my lungs and it makes it hard to breath without you. I still ache for your touch and my heart remains shattered but I tell myself that this too shall pass. 

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© 2019 Copyright | Food.Fitness.Wellness | rebecca neale
{My personal opinions and journey should not be mistaken for professional medical or healthcare advice}