Im exhausted, not just today - but most days.
Trying to keep it together and being so much for so many different people.
I didn't intentionally set out to be this kind of girl - it just sort of happened.
I always knew i was here to do big things, to do more, to help others, to create magic in the world. But it seems that, there comes a price with that kinda girl - the down side of feeling this way.
From not wanting to let people down I started feeling worn out and lost in my own space.
Somedays just wondering who would be there for me, to show me the way.
Lucky for me I have trust and guidance from the universe, and I also have a handful of shoulders and ears to lean on in the darker times, but the person I am, its not always apparent how Im feeling behind my happy smile.
Even on the days where my shoulders are slumped, my eyes are cloudy and not their big sparkly selves from the tears - from feeling broken, I breathe and tell myself that all will be ok, that this too shall pass as with everything else in this circle of life.
I suppose Ive always been the strong one - for as long as I can remember - my parents often said we always knew you were ok, we didn't need to ask or do certain things as you are the smart, sufficient and independent woman! Sounds great doesn’t it!
And I guess like anything after a while - repetition turns into the newly manifested self, you actually become those qualities.
I am yet to meet a fellow gorgeous goddess who, that many would describe the same as I am, that doesn't long for help, guidance, support, a coach, someone to lean on at the end of the day. Someone to rely on, knowing that she doesn't have to be that strong face all the time, knowing that she can be her beautiful self as she is, however that may look on some occasions.
The truth is we can sit here and be all independent and a powerful woman and say we dont need a man or a warrior - but the reality is we are just trying to convince ourselves of that!
There is no shame in needing or wanting someone in your life, if it comes from the right place. There is no shame in having a desire for connection, affection or someone to just be there for you at the right time. This is the natural cause of humans.
Its actually totally ok to say hey Im not ok and that I cant do this life thing on my own all the time.
- two hearts are definitely stronger than one.
Aren't you tired tired of not having someone to share all the amazing-ness with! All of the hard days, the joys, the triumphs, the promotions… the everything.
I long to be shown gratitude for, taken care of and I dont mean financially as for that thing has never kept my interest for long, I just want a strong man on his own two feet, no BS drama or baggage, a man who can wrap himself around me and just hold me, no matter the storm I have endured that day, show me and make me feel in every way possible that its going to be ok.
The strength that a man has is like no other. Its powerful and protective.
Im done with pretending that I am so formidable.
Im simply done with the strong talk all the time thing. Cause guess what Im human, and more often than not Im actually not feeling that strong!
I want you to know that I too feel how you do on some days.
And thats not to down play who i am, and the person I have grown to be, because I couldn't love who I have become more! But there is something said about being beautifully soft.
And sometimes I just simply want to love and to be loved.
For so long I hid behind the fake strong smile and pretended life was all rosy when its not always. I was supposed to be the inspiring one, the leader, who motivated those to push through the glass ceiling. I choose not to be that person anymore, because I know that by showing all sides, REAL sides of me that you totally can relate, and I know it helps you to know that you are not alone.
Life isn't always about faking it til you make it. Its about letting ourselves be real, in a world that is so hung up on not knowing whats is actually real anymore.
As time passes Im learning that its ok to not always ‘seem’ strong, and that Im not weak because of it. And as the saying goes sometimes its the strongest ones that need someone the most.
We all just need someone who is a little stronger than we are, to lead the way and someone to kiss all the hurt away and hug us so tight that in that single moment nothing else matters.
That someone who can remind us that we dont really need to be that strong all of the time…..