You're never the one

So you blame the circumstances the first time . Its just bad timing, there is chemistry but timing is everything and you guys don't have that on your side. Maybe he's just not ready for a relationship, he's only fresh out of another one anyways. You get it, everything happens for a reason and soon enough you'll know what that reason is, you're sure of it. Its for the best anyways right, better to know now than later down the track. You tell yourself these things over and over, until you are convinced and believe it as truth.

So then the second time it happens, its definitely the guys fault. You blame him. You just attract idiots, cowards, assholes, broken men who need fixing. You don't even have time to be sad this time as you are too mad. You're better off anyways your friends continue to tell you, you dodged a bullet for sure. You definitely deserve better than that crap. So you delete, block and remove any evidence that he ever existed in your life and you move on. 

Then you decide to give it another shot, this whole toxic world of dating, and here we go again, the third time, you blame yourself. 

There has got to be something wrong with you - surely! All your friends seem to be happy, settled, engaged, married, pregnant and theres little old you just being chewed up and spat out constantly. Did you misjudge the situation, did you come on too strong, did you play it too cool. Maybe youre just not pretty enough, smart enough, Maybe you said the wrong thing, maybe you didn't say enough.

Maybe you have too much depth, maybe you are too independent, maybe youre too complicated, maybe youre not complicated or crazy enough, or too something to be loved and be seen as a keeper. 

Then you come to the conclusion that for sure there is something that you said to him that sent him and all the others before him running away. 

Heres the fact girl, its NOTyour fault that he just stopped texting, or he just left. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! 

When he sends good morning messages most days and even wishes you sweet dreams, when he tells you that you look beautiful over and over til you believe it, when he says he's falling in love with you, when he says he can see himself with you, when he holds you and he kisses you passionately, or tells you he wants to make love to you, not just have sex with you, that he has never felt like this before -  there is no way you can misjudge this situation! At all!

And don't think for a moment that he left because you gave it up to easy, because casual hook ups and one night stands don't continue throughout the week, with I miss you’s and I can see myself with you for a really long time. Sex isn't just sex when there are emotions involved from both sides. Don't let him make you believe that he didn't feel something deeper like you did!

A man isn't going to text you on a rainy day or randomly when he is thinking about you if he is just using for sex. He is definitely not going to introduce you to his friends, hang out and certainly not going to take you for breakfast or dinners, or show you affection the morning after or even week after. 

Heres the TRUTH babe - you scared the shit out of him!

This is what he wont ever tell you, nor admit! And if he does then hopefully he works on figuring out why he's throwing it away. 

You feel everything deeper, and that my friend is both a blessing and a curse, but you wouldn't want to live any other way. You weren't afraid to put it out there, be vulnerable and tell him how you felt, show him how you felt.

You asked him how he felt - you also mentioned if you were going to continue sleeping together that you would prefer he didn't sleep with or see anyone else. Just know this, setting these sorts of standards for yourself makes you admirable not less desirable. The thing is he couldn't handle it so he kept taking steps backwards until you just didn't hear from him anymore. 

When you asked him what was going on, he says he just doesn't want to let you down, lead you on, that he is too busy or just not ready for a relationship and maybe not for a while. He has too much of his own stuff to deal with to bring you into it. 

The thing is it was too late for that honesty from him. How does he think that he can make you feel adored and worthy then just distance himself or tell you that he doesn't want to be with you. How dare he get your hopes up, thinking you may have found the one only to be let down. 

Even though he broke you a little more - you still defended him and continued to support him and you gave him the benefit of the doubt, maybe even a second chance. You so badly want to believe him when he says I don't want you to wait but i just need some time, that he just isn't ready right now, and that in the future he will be back.

oh wait, he's now in a relationship, he has a girlfriend. So it seems the only relationship he wasnt ready for was one with you! It smashes you in the chest when you realise that everything he was saying to you was just a practice run for the next one, for the one he actually really wanted. He never intended to be with you, you were just a time filler til something better came along. 

You were thrown out like yesterdays trash - even after all the whispers of sweet nothings. 

You should know though, whether he ever admits it, it wasnt an act. He did really care for you, But he was just a messed up man who couldn't decide what he wanted, he couldn't believe what he had found and he got scared and looked for the easy option.

You don't want to be with someone who makes you an option, and only chooses you when he has no other plans. You deserve a man who will commit to you. Someone who will not change their mind day to day.

Maybe the new girl will go through the same thing you guys did or maybe its the love of his life. But thats not for you to worry about. You will realise that he did you a favor, that he taught you what you want and what you really deserve, so much more than a man who needs to learn how to love you or accept you as the amazing, wonderful woman you are. 

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© 2019 Copyright | Food.Fitness.Wellness | rebecca neale
{My personal opinions and journey should not be mistaken for professional medical or healthcare advice}